You can never leave
by JoWoland
Summary: Julian is a comedian with a very persistent admirer. This is a real life fic about Julian and Noel and the start of their relationship. M because my fangirl mind commanded me to write it like that.


**Alright, another real life fic. I was inspired by their "You can never leave" story and then it got a little dirty. Tell me what you think.**

* * *

"Two minutes, Barratt!"

The manager of the club yelled. Julian just nodded and peeked out of the curtain. _He_ was there again, Julian thought, smiling to himself. For the last couple of weeks that skinny kid with the ridiculous hair came to his shows, ambushing him afterwards with words of praise and admiration. He wasn't used to this kind of attention although it was flattering. And also everytime _he_ was there, the audience cheered more than usual and whenever he caught the kid's eye, he looked at him with encouragement. At least that was what Julian told himself.

"Alright, let's get this over with…" With a sigh he opened the curtain.

* * *

"But all I really wanted was a Pepsi. Thank you; you've been a wonderful audience. Good Night!" The crowd was cheering and wouldn't let him leave the stage and the kid looked pleased with himself, as if he knew that Julian thought he was some kind of lucky charm.

After most of the people left the club, he dared to go into the bar area. He was ambushed immediately.

"Brilliant show!" "Thank you…" "I'm Noel." Julian imagined something more exotic, like Obsidian Blackbird McKnight or Vince Noir.

"I'm Julian." "Yes, I know, I can read." "Even if the letters are in a different order?" Noel laughed and spilled some of his drink on his shirt. Julian grabbed a napkin and began to wipe over the fabric a little longer than necessary.

"I think 'm dry enough." "Hm? Oh right. Since I'm responsible for the spillage, may I buy you another drink?" "Sure." _What am I doing here?_ _He'll think I'm a creep. Wait, why do I even care what he thinks about me? Uh-oh. _There it was the sudden realisation: He fancied him. _Great, all I need. A crush on someone who looks like every twink-chasers wet dream. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Oh get a hold on yourself, you pathetic idiot. _

"What do you want?" "Surprise me." He winked at him and looked for a free spot. When he returned Noel had secured a booth.

"I'm not very good at choosing fancy drinks, so here you go." He handed him a beer and sat on his table.

"May I ask what you are doing here all the time?" "Watching you."

"Yes, I'm aware of that, but why?" "I like your style and I'm building up the courage to ask you something." _Something? _That sounded promising.

"And what might that be?" "Do you want to…?" Noel hid his face behind his hands and giggled.

"Yes?" "Do you want to do something with me?" _A romantic dinner, holding hands, rough sex in a public bathroom? _"

I think I need a little more information." "A comedy show. You and me. That would be genius!" "Oh." _Bummer. _His inner pervert was not pleased with this answer.

"Oh?" Noel sounded disappointed. "Well, I've never seen you perform, so…" "Alright, then come to my show next Saturday. Right here. Let me convince you." He gave him a charming smile.

"Okay, I'll be there." "Genius." "You use that word a lot, don't you?" "When it's appropriate."

* * *

It was finally Saturday and Julian had company.

"What about this?" "Hm, yeah, I like this black sweater way more than the other six hundred before." Nancy snickered.

"You are not helping." "I didn't came to help, I came to mock. Why are you making such a fuzz about this show anyway? Didn't you say that this kid annoys you?"

"Yes." "And?" "And what?" "Oh, I get it." A sly grin appeared on her face. "Don't start." "You like him." "Nancy." "You _like_ like him."

"How old are you, ten?" "Listen, it's totally cool with me." "What a relief, because all that matters to me in this world is your approval." Nancy ignored his comment and just carried on.

"I always had a suspicion, you know." "No, tell me all about it." "You never brought a girl home."

"Oh, that is indeed suspicious. I never showed up with a date at my uncle's house in Blackpool." "Or any family gathering."

"I'm done talking to you now." "Who is ten now? I hope he is into you Julian, because I really think you could use a good shag. Might help loosen you up a bit." He threw one of the sweaters at her. "Alright, alright, I'm going. Have fun on your date."

He checked his hair in the mirror and chastised himself for it immediately. "It is not a date. He wants to work with me." _Good Julian, keep telling that to yourself, then you might have a chance to go home with your dignity still intact._

* * *

Julian arrived at the club a few minutes before the show and was greeted by Noel.

"You came!" He said and hugged him. Julian just stood there and tried not to get too excited over the body contact.

"Of course I came, I promised you, didn't I? We keep our promises." "We?" "The men from the North."

"Okay… Come on, sit over there, I'm starting soon." Noel pushed Julian onto a chair in the front row near the stage and disappeared behind the curtain. "Fine, let's get this over with. He can't be cute and talented." Julian was wrong. Noel delivered a crazy skit about seed distribution and his sharp elbows. It was funny yet completely mental. After he was finished, he came up to Julian's table.

"What did you think?" "You were great." "Thanks, I guess you are my lucky charm. Last time I did this bit, no one laughed." "Sometimes people are just stupid." "S'pose." Noel twisted a streak of hair around a finger.

"So?" "So what?" "Am I worthy of collaborating with you?" "I really can't think of a way to incorporate that into my routine." "Then we come up with something different." Noel decided.

"You don't take no for an answer, do you?" He shook his head and looked at him with his big, blue eyes.

"Okay, tell me about your favourite comedians then." "Spike Milligan. Monty Python. Fry and Laurie." "I could have guessed that."

"What about you?" "Three strikes or goals, whatever." "See, we are destined to be together." They chatted on about their lives for a while and Julian finally started to relax a bit.

"Why did you start doing comedy?" "I don't know. I always had an interest in it. I like to make people laugh and I dig the attention. Positive attention that is."

"Did someone really dislike you at any point in your life?" He couldn't believe that. Noel was made out of sunshine.

"Sure. I was teased about my choice of clothing back in the day…" "Don't say stuff like that, how old are you 20?" "25."

"That prohibits you from using phrases like that. You can use it again, once you've reached 30." "What about you?" "Hm?"

"Why did you choose stand up? You're not really comfortable around other people. Don't get me wrong, I really love your style, but I see you more as a writer than a performer."

"Should I be insulted by that?" Noel's face turned red. "No, I didn't mean it like that! I sometimes speak before I talk…"

"Think." "About what?" "It's speak before I think. I'm not insulted. I tried writing for other people but I enjoy it more when I deliver my work… Well myself."

"Aha. Another point for us as a team. We write together, perform together and I deal with the praise." "You think we will be praised for our work?"

"Of course. We will be genius together." "I really have to start counting how many times you use that word." Noel looked around the room.

"Are you waiting for someone?" "Yeah, my mate Dave. He was supposed to give me a lift."

"Well, I've got a car, I can drive you home." "Genius. I get my coat." Two so far.

* * *

"Just pull up there. Thanks for the ride Julian. Do you want to come in for a tea?" "Yeah, why not."

"Just so you know, if you come in, you can never, ever leave again." Julian laughed. "That's fine. I don't have much on anyway."

"Did you draw these?" "Hm?" Noel was busy looking for two clean mugs in the kitchen.

"These paintings, did you do them?" "Sure. I got my BA from Croydon." "What's that?" He pointed to a drawing of a man with weed on his head and lipstick.

"I call this thing Old Gregg. He's a merman with a mangina." "A mangina?" "Yeah, that's when…" "I'm aware of it; you don't have to go into detail." "Fine. Here you go." He placed the mugs on the coffee table.

They sat in silence for a bit and drank their tea. Noel chewed on his lip and looked at him. When it got a little too uncomfortable Julian finally spoke. "So, do you live here alone?" "Mostly, sometimes my mates crashes here, when they have troubles with their girlfriends."

"A bachelor hide-out, nice." _A what? Maybe you should think before you speak Julian._ "You can stay here too, if you ever need to get away from your lady friend."

"What lady friend?" "The blonde woman that came with you a few shows ago." "Nancy? She is not my girlfriend, she is my cousin."

"Oh, so you are single?" "Yes. Why do you have someone to set me up with?" "I might."

Noel took the mug out of Julian's hand and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He was startled to say the least and squinted repeatedly. "Whoa there, what are you doing?" Noel looked perplexed. "Uhm, you should know that, it's called kissing. People do it to show affection."

"What people?" Slightly panic took over him. "People, human beings, children of the earth." "I think you…" _Barking up exactly the right tree there and you know it Julian. You knew the second he came to your show with his crazy hair and his fur coat. The night you woke up in your own mess after dreaming of him_.

"Are you doing this to get me to do a show with you?" _No, you idiot! Of all the things you could say!_ Noel looked insulted. "Don't flatter yourself; you're not a comedy genius like Milligan! Besides I don't fuck people to get them to work with me." He said nothing and just stared at Noel.

"I think you should go. Forget this, forget me." "Noel…" He didn't know what to say. "Don't let the door hit you on your way out." Outside his flat, Julian rested his head on the cold brick wall.

_"Forget me…"_ Noel's words rang in his mind. "Forget you… As if I could, little man."

* * *

The phone rang for the fifth time today but Julian had no desire to answer it. He knew it was the manager of the club, demanding to know why he didn't show up for his gig. He didn't care, he was happy with his solitude, just him, his books and an occasional wank in the shower. It was always the same scenario, him and Noel on the couch but this time his stupid mouth was not allowed to interfere. Instead it was preoccupied with Noel's tongue. Then his doorbell decided to vary the sounds of disturbance. Julian dragged himself out of his bed and looked through the door viewer. All he could see was a big, fluffy ball of hair, dyed in various shades of blonde.

"Noel?" "Yeah. Can I come in?" "I'm not decent." "What are you, a Victorian lady? Let me in, it's fucking freezing out here."

* * *

They sat on Julian's couch and once again with mugs in front of them.

"You missed your gig." He was glad that Noel finally spoke. "I know. How come you do?"

"The manager phoned me up to fill in for you." "Oh." "Oh?" "I thought you came to see me…" "After what you said? Fuck no."

"Then why are you here now?" "I wanted to check if you're alive." A glimmer of hope. _If he didn't like me at least a little bit, he wouldn't care_.

"Why?" "Even if you acted like an insensitive arsehole, I didn't want you to be lying dead in your flat. " That made Julian smile.

"I'm sorry Noel, I truly am." "Go on." "I just can't see what you find attractive… I mean, I'm not fit or anything." "Who made you the judge of what is fit or not?" There was a hint of a smile around Noel's lips.

"I'm gonna kiss you now Julian. But if you freak out again, I will pour this mug of hot tea into your lap, is that clear?" "Yes, sir." "Good boy." Noel cupped his face and drew him into a long kiss.

"Alright? Think about your answer, still holding this." He shook the mug carefully. "Alright." Noel looked pleased with the answer and continued the kissing. Julian dragged him across his lap, so he was straddling him. His hands crawled under Noel's shirt.

"You can take it off if you like." "If you insist." Getting each others shirts off was the easy part. Now Julian was working on Noel's pants. After a few futile attempts to get them down gently, he was close to ripping them off with his bare hands.

"How do you get into these jeans every day? I think I need a pair of pliers and some butter." "True style demands some sacrifices."

"Like proper breathing and blood circulation?" "You will find that there is nothing wrong in that area." "Can you prove that?" "Sure, with a little assistance from you."

"I'll do anything just, just take them off. Please." "I like it when you beg." With a swift move the denim chastity belt was on the floor.

"That wasn't begging. That was a courteously offered blowjob." "It would be very rude to turn down an offer like that from such a well behaved gentleman. I gladly accept." "Now who is the Victorian lady?"

Noel snorted with laughter and stroke Julian's hair as he kissed down his pale chest. While working his way down, Julian looked up now and then, to see Noel's face. His lips were curled in a smile and… His eyes were closed. _Fuck. He is imagining a girl. He's got to imagine a girl. Why would he close his eyes while thinking of me? I mean, I'm here; he could just look at me… _

"Oh shut up brain and let me enjoy this for once!" "What?" "I just said that out loud, didn't I?" "Yes."

"I think I need to tell you something: I have internal dialogues with my brain. It is not contagious, just embarrassing and really, really stupid." "I saw a fairy once." "Okay, so we are both mental. That is good to know. Now excuse me, I have a job to finish." "Don't let me keep you."

Noel smiled and resumed the stroking. As Julian finally reached the important parts of his body, at least in this situation, Noel began to whimper. He took this as a good sign and picked up the pace. The hands clutched at his hair now and the whimpers turned into loud moans.

"This is… Oh God!" He arched his back and came into Julian's mouth. He swallowed hard before he wiped off his mouth and began to lick over Noel's chest again.

"That was genius… You are genius." He whispered and dragged Julian's head up to kiss him.

The Northerner tried to ignore the question that arose, along with his erection. All he wanted to see was Noel's beautiful face twisted with pleasure and his mouth screaming Julian's name while coming. If he was top or bottom didn't matter at all.

"Are you having a conversation again?" "Mhm, but boring," he muttered between kisses. "This is far more interesting." "Do you have something?"

"Hm?" There was a lot of unkissed skin on Noel's body that needed to be taken care of before he could kee up a proper conversation.

"You know… For protection." "Oh, right yeah. Top drawer, in the bedroom." "Then let's go." Noel smiled slyly and guided him off the couch.

* * *

After seeing the bottle of lube and the condom in Julian's hand, he didn't look self-assured anymore. "Are you alright?" "Of course." That was a little too quick and too reassuring.

"Do you want to?" "Yeah, sure." "Wow, your enthusiasm is breathtaking." "I really like you, Julian." "I like you too." And he had the erection to prove it. Noel chewed on his lip again. "I just never… I mean I did some stuff. But never…" "The whole nine yards?" A tiny nod.

"Be a good guy, Julian. Don't pressure him, don't be an arsehole." His conscience was awfully patronising this evening. Where was his inner pervert, when he needed him? "Listen, we don't have to rush things." _I could take a shower, in an ice lake, in Siberia._

"I guess not." There was his brilliant smile again. _Great, he is happy that he doesn't have to sleep with me…_ His brain was too occupied with feeling sorry for itself, so it completely missed the hand slithering down his cock.

"Oh." Was the only thing he could say when he connected it to its owner. A moan escaped his throat as Noel put his lips down to replace his hand. Julian dug his nails into the bedsheets and tried to keep all the "Oh God's" inside him. He always found it highly inappropriate to yell at a deity while performing something it was clearly not okay with. His breath became heavy and fast at the same time.

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna…" There was no end to the sentence, just a gurgled noise from Noel. "I'm so sorry." Julian pressed out and hoped, the earth or his bed would swallow him whole.

"Well, that has got to be at least yard five and a half, don't you think?" They looked at each other and broke out into laughter. Noel snuggled into Julian's arms and rested his head against his chest.

"What about not rushing things?" "I wasn't rushing. I was enjoying myself." "Listen, if you ever want to enjoy yourself again, give me a call, because that was…" "Genius?" "Yes, you are genius, little man."

* * *

They awoke the next morning in each others arms. "Hello." "Hi." "Alright?" "Never better." Noel tried to wriggle out of Julian's embrace.

"Where do you think your going?" "To use the bathroom?" "No sir, if you come into this bed, you can never leave." "That is my catchphrase." "You and me, we are a team now. What's yours is mine."

"You are a freak." "No, I'm a maverick." Julian drew him closer and placed a kiss on his cheek.

* * *

**The End. I hope you had fun.**


End file.
